They say time flies when you’re having fun. This weekend Eli and I found a method to slow down time to a crawl. Eli and I made a pack not disclose the exact location since we have some serious unfinished business up there.

Things started off Friday evening at the Celtic Swell, enjoying a few guinys while contemplating the weekend’s destination. After some phone calls it was settled. Why the night is still so young. I soon found myself eating sushi to my stomach’s content with Trish. Aka: snohoar, who still needs a purchase or two to complete her bc set up but if she reads this she’ll proly be reluctant to go. We feasted on a variety of fish and finished with my favorite, unagimaki and misoshiro. Unfortunately there were no wasabi snooters. After watching Steve-O’s reactions I’ll stick to pixie sticks or that fine bottle of sake that I brought.

Uuuuugggg…why oh why does 6:30am come so damn soon? After a nice two hour power nap, I met Eli at 7am off of 50th near the U. And just like that we were off to the North Cascades. As we made it to the east of the crest the weather had started to clear. By 10am we were hiking along trail, most of which was in open forest and some in overgrown, mutated weeds. Before long we soon arrived at our first obstacle…

a shimmy across this log, which was all that stably remained of this bridge. Actually the log on the bottom went straight across but Eli broke it while trying to use it for a footing. After 10 or so more minutes of hiking in lush open forest, we came to a fork in the trail. Instead of taking either trail a decision was made to claw up the valley side to a ridge at 6,000ft. The trailhead started at the 2,600ft. elevation and we had gone a few miles only to have gained about maybe 50ft. or so.

It was time to start gaining some elevation. Before long we found ourselves in the real definition of bushwhacking…

After 2 hours of thrashing, Eli and I had managed to only gain 600ft. Only a couple more thousand to go. After countless hours of shwacking we finally made it to the rock scrambling part. Here’s lookin up…

Here’s lookin down…

Only a couple of 4th class moves to negotiate. I soon found out that rock climbing in boarding boots is not a good idea. Despite my severely battered feet, I pressed on since the terrain was too steep to bivy on. After 9 hours of shwacking and route finding thru cliff bands and waterfalls we arrived at the ridge. All I could do was take my boots off and put on my down booties. But not before I buried a 40oz of OE in the snow. My body and mind had endured a beating up until this point. My hands cut up and swollen. Can anyone recommend a manicurist?

Preferably one that also administers drugs. Maybe a massage with a happy ending. Now were talking. Eli and I feasted on noodles, tuna, mashed potatoes, water and long pulls of OE as the sun made its escape.

As day dawned we rose to sun and blue skies. Eli climbed to a point to see if he could spot a way down to the climbers trail so our ascent route could be avoided entirely. There was a certain point in the bowl where the slope disappeared into the abyss. Looking across the valley you could see a variety of lines in bowls and chutes but they all cliffed out before hitting the valley bottom. At this point we both realized that we should have brought some rope. Even though the valley across from us was a different aspect, neither of us was willing to ride down just to have to climb back out. So instead of taking our chances we retraced our ascent.

Words can’t describe the torture endured down the valley of a place worse than hell.

It was pain in its purest form. We both have a glutton for punishment I guess. Well the excitement doesn’t stop there. While climbing down some waterfall, Eli and I crossed paths with 2 brown bears. One of the bears got within 10ft. of me before turning around and charging towards Eli. The bears appeared to be tracking an elk that Eli had spotted and we just gotten in the way. The bear stopped within 5 feet of Eli, took a wiff of his boots and ran back to the other bear and some bitch slapping ensued between the two. We can both laugh now but at the moment time stood still. After countless more hours of shwacking we finally reached the trail. Eli let’s leave our gear here and float down the river and back to the cars on our air mattress. We’ll come back for the gear later. Now let me tell you, if I had a choice to live in hell or do this shwack again, I would gladly overstay my welcome in hell anyday!

Here’s a self portrait after experiencing a place worse than hell and Eli passed out tits up.

Additional Notes:
Lost Gear – My shovel handle and Eli’s sunglasses

Almost Lost – Eli’s water bottle that I picked up a few times after he insist that I just leave it. My binding that got ripped off my board while trying to fall down hill cause it was a lot easier than climbing down. Climbing back up and finding it was easy. The hard part was putting the pack back on with branches going every which way.

Note to self – next time we cannot go without Edward Scissor Hands.