Post subject: Portland Film Professional (Position Available)
Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:55 pm
Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:11 pm Posts: 76 Location: West Los Angeles
We are now accepting applications for a film professional to document our Split adventures. We are adamant that this person can handle the rigors of the job without bitching. Breaking trail will give you an inside track. We like our tracks to be mellow aggressive(this being the NW you might better understand this technique if it's called passive aggressive). This person should be able to roll with the punches. Say, if half your virgin Split happens to be lying in the middle of the highway, we fully expect you to acknowledge that it didn't get run over and shrug it off. Huge bonus points if you can operate a ski rack or just not forget to close it. You must excitedly jump in and dig our luxury snow caves to give us comfort from the wind on these volcanoes. We absolutely love self starters; that means you show up at the meeting place with our coffee orders correctly placed. That all night joint on Powell, quite frankly, freaks us out a little bit. Translation skills necessary since there is an Australian in the crew. Range in translation needed since we do encounter South Washington Sled Neck from time to time. Kindly explaining to stupid that the sno park is not over crowded because we parked our cars 5 feet from each other instead of three feet. It's that his rig is 60 feet and he arrived late to the party. Our usual method of mooning said idiot doesn't properly illustrate our sophisticated nature. We're not necessarily looking for an acolyte, but if one of us happens to get a ticket at a snow park, the ability to grab the ticket off the windshield and claim responsibility will not go unnoticed. We do expect you to ride shotgun in the lead car, map in hand guided by your headlamp, so that we don't miss that notoriously pesky turn off to Mt St Helen's. And if for some reason we get our truck stuck in a snowdrift it's your responsibility to organize extraction. If Larry happens to get the forecast wrong, and you find yourself climbing in the rain, we expect you to cut the testosterone and pull the plug on the trip. In the end that kind of behavior will just cost someone their iPhone. And we have a kid, some might call him a park rat, but he's ours and we love him. But if you could explain to him that we kinda get nervous when he comes in hot on bullet proof ice that would be wonderful. If you have that communication talent, second interview guaranteed. If someone happens to drop their organic, high calorie sandwich down the hill, we don't expect you to save the food, just the plastic wrapper. After all, we do have a conscience. Gear check: one of your most important duties. Late nights sometimes make us forgetful. Here's a hint: crampons. A great attitude goes a long way. As we get higher and higher, and it gets icier and icier, please remind us that, "it's about to corn right up." And last but certainly not least, we need someone to take that snort with Split Chronic!
I know that it sounds overwhelming, but in the day and age of 10% unemployment, there could be worse gigs. Wait, this is Portland, where young people go to retire. Nevermind.